She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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