The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
