Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
