She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
