o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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