i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
