Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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