she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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