Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The best revenge is premature balding
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
