All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
