Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
