mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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