Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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