i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Houston, we have a squirter
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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