I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
