giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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