There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We are all done wearing pants today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
