just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
