You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
