there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
