Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
