Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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