Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize