this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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