I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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