After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
please don't ironically join a cult
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