shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
