If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
