She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your cock deserves a montage
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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