I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
