ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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