hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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