She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
