i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
