Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
