Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
