Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
