she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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