Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize