so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
