The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So much rum. So many feels.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
