GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
