If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
