Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
