everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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