her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
