I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
