Is it because I queefed?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's never too late to be topless.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
