OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
