The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
