having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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