The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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