I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
