the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize