Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
