You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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