Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
