I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
