I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think your dad took our porno
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
