We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
