no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
