I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
