put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
