What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize