you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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