All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize