My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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