just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize