She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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