i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
