So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
