Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
They have beer where we have blood.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
