i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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