They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
