White coat. Heels.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
