'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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