How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
