Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
