I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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