This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
