Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
