i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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