she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize