DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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