thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
