I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
