And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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