I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
