Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
