What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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