Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
