Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
