i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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