I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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