I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
