I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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