Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
