I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
