i jhust puked up my retainher.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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