We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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