I am in a vortex of obligation.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize