Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize