I think i peed on brittanys purse
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
