I just threw up on my dentist
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The air was thick with penises
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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