Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
