Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Someone came in the potted fern
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
