You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
