3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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