highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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