guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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